Trapped–for a time . . .

Posted on July 16, 2014 by oct17

Bang–the metal door snapped shut. I felt as guilty as an accomplice in a terrible crime.

The squirrels had become a nuisance in the yard and gardens; now that they seemed to have lost their fear of the trap, we were on a mission to relocate them to a better place.

Earlier I had baited and waited for that door to shut.
I had not anticipated the remorse I might feel as one after the other cute little rodents lost their freedom. Well . . . for a short time.

I watched the first squirrel cautiously grasp the sunflower seeds placed at the entrance to the trap. His cravings overcame any sense of suspicion of the metal cage. The determined animal soon accelerated that process— grabbing as many as he could. The plump squirrel had no idea he had unsuspectingly entered the point of entrapment–until the door banged shut. There was no way out. He panicked for a moment and then returned to satisfy his immediate desires.

Really, you can’t blame him for following the seed trail. After all, squirrels love those seeds. But curiosity and appetite led him unknowingly into the trap. As long as there were plenty of seeds within the prison walls or until the rodent was completely satisfied , the squirrel didn’t mind the locked door.

But—after feasting on all remaining morsels, the caged animal went wild. Racing, panic-stricken back and forth, he screamed, “Get me out of here; I promise, I’ll never eat another seed.”

My calming words, informing him that he would soon be free–free in a more wooded area, did nothing to placate him. He was stressed, frantic and aggressive. The longer he was trapped his behavior became totally erratic.

It was only later in the woods when I released the secure latch, allowing him to run to the nearest tree that the squirrel knew freedom and stopped his wild behavior.

While watching this live set up, I was abruptly made aware of how easily and innocently I can be trapped. There are moments when selfishness and cravings overcome any sense of reason. Time and again my curiosity and appetite entice me into moments of pleasure and temporary satisfaction.

If I listen to the Deceiver and take the bait, then I am trapped. . . there is no way out.

I panic, I cry, I promise . . .

As my desperate cry of genuine repentance and helplessness reaches the Father’s ears, he hears. Immediately He releases the trap door, and I return to freedom.

“Free me from the trap that is set for me, for you are my refuge. Psalm 31:4 In my anguish I cried to the Lord, and he answered by setting me free. Psalm 118:5

Frantic for freedom!

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Smelling God . . .

Posted on July 1, 2014 by oct17

“We ignore the smell of Deity”, warns C.S. Lewis in Letters to Malcolm concerning appropriate adoration to our God. He says it is the inattention we give to events and pleasures all around us.

We each ‘wear’ our own personal scent–some joyfully sweet, others painfully obnoxious. My grandchildren equate various scents to me. Two of the girls were driving through garlic fields in California last year and suddenly shouted, “Oh, this smells just like Gram”. I question that is a sweet fragrance!

How do you describe a fragrance? A rose–well, it smells like a rose–sweet, perfumey. What about fresh bread from the oven? One of my favorite smells is the first burst when “opening” an orange. It evokes memories of long ago Christmases, but the smell–it is just orangey. Describing a scent is notoriously difficult.

So how does Deity smell?

God’s presence hovers the atmosphere. It is more than the fragrance of sweet peas and lilacs. Or freshly mowed grass, Or rain and wind. Can you smell the sun? I have a “sun-shine” closet–linens dried in the sun fill the shelves, and I breathe deeply of Deity. We must see pass the “thing”, the event, and simply adore God. There is no place for analyzing and dissecting.

For me, early morning is heavily seasoned with the scent of His security, His comfort. His great love is bound in the whispers of the wind, stirring the leaves. I walk, holding hands with the Creator. I inhale–celebrating this moment–Now.

God’s presence permeates all of life. Never do I want to ignore the “smell” of His presence. I desire to fully see, smell, taste and feel the goodness of my Father while I walk this journey.

“Great are the works of the Lord; they are pondered (smelled and adored, my words!)) by all who delight in them.” Psalm 111: 2

Inhaling Deity . . . today.

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A taste of squirrel . . .

Posted on June 16, 2014 by oct17

“One bite at a time. That’s how you eat an elephant.”

That was my ready reply when my college aged kids began moaning and groaning over a comprehensive class syllabus at each new semester.

But they didn’t even like elephant.

I don’t mind that entrée as much as I do squirrel. In fact, cilantro and squirrel are the only tastes I don’t enjoy. My distaste of this furry animal has reached an all time dislike this spring as these thieves of my bird seed have planted themselves firmly in the garden. No place is too difficult for those long tailed cute wild things. They keep trying–relentless, tireless– until they reach their goal.

Observation has taught me that I should be taking lessons. Squirrels are somehow able to scale the most impregnable barrier for food. They have figured out how to maneuver past all shields around the feeders–even chewing on portions of the metal guard. They jump faster than Superman; they hang by one leg, dangling precariously —persistent in their reach of precious black oil sunflower seed.

I am convinced my garden inhabitants have enrolled in a Psalm 18:29 school, taking classes in these exploits:

101—Scaling Impossible Situations
201—Forging Past Obstacles
301—Persistence Training

and finally

401–Avoiding Traps

The last class, #401 evidently was added only recently after the four legged community lost three siblings/cousins to the fatal trap this past week. (Don’t worry; they were transported to safety) Studies and homework yielded positive results as now not one single squirrel comes near the baited trap. How quickly they got the message.

“You, O Lord, keep my lamp burning; my God turns my darkness into light. With your help I can advance against a troop; with my God I can scale a wall.” Psalm 18: 28-29

I may acquire a taste for squirrel–or not. Perhaps I will enroll in their school of persistence. One morning as I watched one squirrel struggle to gain access past the metal shield, I wondered at my lack of determination in growing into Christlikeness. How soon I give up and turn around–seeking an easier path. It takes time and effort to persevere–to reach heights I desire. Diligent study teaches me to know how and when to scale the obstacles and circumstances of life.

Am I ready to be “squirrelly?” — you know, squirrelly–in the good sense.

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Red, yellow, black and white . . .

Posted on May 29, 2014 by oct17

An array of colors opened like a new box of crayons before me this morning. Birds were being served at the feeders while Tom and I breakfasted on our deck. Bright and muted reds mingled with the yellows and iridescent blues; even the large wild turkey, nibbling on the ground kernels, was multi-shaded in browns and gold.

Suddenly, I was home-sick for “heart” color–real color.

I am often asked, “What is the one thing you miss since returning from Europe?”

Color! I answer quickly with that one word.

The trams, the trains, the buses–crowded with the colors of the world. The cultures of the world streamed through the opened doors of public transportation endlessly. Listening, I heard. I began to understand God’s heart for the world; riding on the trains and buses provided ample time and purpose for “prayer-riding”.

Loving and living ten years in the multicolored communities of Vienna, Austria, and Copenhagen, Denmark, transformed my previous world set in the hills of east Tennessee. I hugged color, laughed with color, prayed with color; often our dinner table was surrounded in beautiful mosaics. An amazing richness is gained as one is saturated in the various hues of the world.

I remember singing these words the first Sunday at our church in Vienna almost 14 years ago:

Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah to the Lamb,
Hallelujah, hallelujah by the blood of Christ we stand.
Every tongue, every tribe, every people, every land
Giving glory, giving honor, giving praise unto the Lamb of God.

Hands— colored brown, red, black and white–clasped together, making a colorful display around the small sanctuary as praise rang out in a blessed benediction. Even through my tears that circle was a picture of the world. How beautiful heaven will be!

The colors at my bird feeders make me smile and rejoice in the God who designed them, but I joy more in the peoples of the world, the hearts and minds of those who colored my world for too brief a time. The vividness of their lives will forever color my journey.

Embrace color — today.

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Today–is life.

Posted on May 19, 2014 by oct17

Weeks on my journey have resulted in no blog posts. There are several discarded drafts, but for some reason they were not “right” to publish.

Here I sit at this screen wanting desperately to explain the silence, but I can’t? Days are full, busy with life and yet, I neglect blogging– the one thing I enjoy.

We have just returned from a week at Nags Head beach in North Carolina with our son and his family of four little girls. The waves were a melancholy reminder as I realized that days begin and end much like the waves on the beach–constantly, continuously, certainly–and at times, menacing.

There is no escape—from waves or days.

The only recourse is to enjoy the swelling breakers—one at a time, enchanted in the moment as it rushes to the shore, only to return just as quickly to its watery race. I have one chance–only seconds to respond to a dynamic, rippling wave, and then it is gone–never to return in the same way again.

So it is with Today.

Or perhaps there is another option. I can ignore the waves–simply walk further away from the shoreline, never taking the chance to run and race with a surging whitecap. And I have missed a moment . . .

What I do with Today is what I do with life.

Delighting in the waves . . .

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Lessons from a butterfly . . .

Posted on April 2, 2014 by oct17

Last Sunday afternoon the most beautiful black swallowtail emerged from the branches of an indoor house plant. Evidently his cocoon had been attached there before we brought the tree in from the deck last fall.

Life has been hibernating all winter in the corner of the den–waiting for spring.

The Internet gave me the necessary knowledge to “doctor” the new creation. This species normally appears late May, so he was premature for survival outside. It was below freezing at night last week here in Tennessee. I bought fresh parsley and carrot tops–exactly what he would order. I learned how to feed him sugar water and juice via a q-tip.

I realized quickly that something was not quite right; he was perfectly formed, developed completely as far as I could determine. -his colors were brilliant as the male is. He would crawl on my arm and glide a little–but never quite fly.

One morning he kept fluttering at the window as if to go outside. I knew it was too cold at night; he wouldn’t survive long. The thought came to me that is how I am often. I want so badly to do something, go somewhere–but God knows it is not for my good. I am not ready—–

One morning I watched his struggle in flight, I wanted him to fly–to fly through the rooms. “Oh, I want you to soar in the skies as you were meant to do,” I cried. It pained me to watch. I wanted to help but could not.

It was as if the Lord whispered to me at that moment, “and that is what I desire for you,–to soar, to succeed in what I designed you to be. How much more my heart aches for you.”

This lovely butterfly survived almost a week. There is a story here–even if he were free and able to fly outside, there was no female counterpart for him. He would have flown and flown–looking everywhere for his “Eve”–Tom says he was “born out of time”.

I look forward to the butterflies this spring. Butterflies have always been a “favorite thing” on my journey—but this spring, I will be reminded of the brevity of life, the timing in life, the fulfilled purpose for life–with every butterfly I see.

“For I know the plans I have for you, plans to give you a future and a hope, declares the Lord . . . ” Jeremiah 29: 11

Desiring to Soar . . .

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A Marriage Memo . . .

Posted on March 24, 2014 by oct17

Tom had an early morning breakfast meeting today which left me having breakfast alone. I love cereal–he calls me a “cereal-killer”, but he has never enjoyed that staple food for his breakfast.

So this morning, I looked forward to my cereal time. I filled my bowl, added bright sweet strawberries, some toasted walnuts and prepared to enjoy my favorite comfort food.

But do you know what?

It wasn’t quite as good; it wasn’t fun eating alone–we have spent the last days reminiscing, still celebrating our 50th celebration. I reflected on these mornings of marriage–breakfast is his favorite meal and time of day.

When a couple hits the fifty year mark of marriage, it is evident you are no longer young–there are less years ahead than behind you.

Does that damper my outlook for this day? Never . . .

Tom’s first funeral as a 25-year old pastor was for a 37-year old man with two young boys. I can still remember internalizing that event-the pain for the family.

I determined that day to enjoy Tom Suiter for as many days as I had; I literally chose to never take one day for granted–to delight in him as the gift I had been given. And I can say I have done that as best as I could, not perfectly — but almost 🙂

The journey of marriage is not an easy one; it is difficult for two to become one, but it is a journey with great rewards, blessings and surprises – a precious gift the Lord has given to us–for our enjoyment, for our pleasure. One of my favorite verses in Scripture is Deuteronomy 24: 5: “If a man has recently married, he must not be sent to war or have any other duty laid on him. For one year he is to be free to stay at home and bring happiness to the wife he has married.”

I smile–can you just see all new husbands not working for one year. But don’t miss the meaning here. Marriage is a journey of learning and choosing, of accepting and forgiving.

And it takes a lifetime–not one year.

Still choosing and enjoying Tom Suiter

(Just wanted to write on marriage today–)

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Rays of reality . . .

Posted on March 12, 2014 by oct17

(I wrote this last Saturday, the morning after the missing plane incident–and forgot to hit ‘publish’ after the preview.)

The winds are teasing the sheets on the line under blue skies. I delight in the warmth of this day after long days of cold and gray. I could be so snug and smug in this moment– wrapped in the spring breeze . . .

While I can and do enjoy the gifts around me–here in today, I shudder in the reality that there are somewhere wives, mothers,sisters, grandmothers of those 239 lives aboard the downed Malaysian plane weeping in unbelief. I read the list of the countries representing those together for this final journey, and I cry. Tom and I know and love someone from every country on that list.

Young artists aboard– with dreams. The future now gone.

Can I really live today in thanksgiving and purpose without realizing that all of life is temporary? Yes, yes–the very reason I can live with hope today is understanding the brevity of tomorrow.

Beautiful moments come. I smile. I want to live, really live, every inch of my life span. And that means crying with those that are ribboned in sorrow, knowing that life is indeed a mist that vanishes quickly.

So today this journey, NOW– is painted sad and melancholy. And as I live tomorrow, I pray that even in thankfulness and praise, I will remember . . . I never want to step flippantly into a new morning—neither do I want to go to bed lamenting the day.

I love writing about good times, blessings, lessons from the Word and life, but this journey is lived in reality.

Somehow this morning I longed to see you, to touch you, to know you are safe–. But all I can do is to share this moment.

“O Lord, may your unfailing love rest upon us, even as we put our hope in you. Psalm 33: 22

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Growing old on the journey . . . Never!

Posted on February 26, 2014 by oct17

I had this quote on my desk for years. Now it is engraved on my brain and in my heart:
“Old age occurs the moment you quit expecting something wonderful around the next corner. For some people, that happens very early; for others, it never happens.”

And I am always looking, always expecting–that wonderful something–somewhere–today.

That in no way negates the fact that I am a most contented person. May seem like an oxymoron to you, but believe me, I know me, and it isn’t.

I enjoy watching birds at my 6 feeders outside my window–at this minute there are three different woodpeckers at the suet feeders, ten bright cardinals with 8 of their spouses near by and countless titmice and finches playing bird games or fighting–I can’t tell.

Walking in the wind delights my spirit; a favorite place is being in the kitchen preparing dinner for Tom. Nothing so contents me as reading in front of the fireplace while toe-touching on the foot stool between us.

In all these, I am happy, at peace, excited to be living in the ‘here and now’, and they are wonderful, sure– –but there must be more.

Comments from C.S. Lewis this week blessed me as he revealed thoughts on hearing rhythms that pulse from the Father’s heart—-

“All the things that have ever deeply possessed your soul have been but hints of it—tantalizing glimpses, promises never quite fulfilled, echoes that died away just as they caught your ear. But if it should really become manifest–if there ever came an echo that did not die away but swelled into the sound itself–you would know it. Beyond all possibility of doubt you would say, ‘Here at last is the thing I was made for.'”

Have you experienced such a time? When you turn around to ‘see’ why the moment is brighter, sweeter–almost musical. When you begin to sing with someone– not there. That must be only a hint of what will come, a promise, a hope that there is more . .

Of Him, His presence . . .

Where, oh, where did that echo disappear?

And so, I wait, expecting the grand finale of the song–any minute. And it will be wonderful . . .

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The heavens are telling the glory of God . . .

Posted on February 17, 2014 by oct17

It’s a bird, it’s a plane, it’s . . .

You may remember that as part of the weekly introduction to the Superman episodes of the 50’s.

The heavenly scene above changes daily, cloud-formed faces, dark skies forecasting ominous weather predictions. But when I look up on a blue sky day, I am as excited as that announcer was about Superman’s appearance.

While walking yesterday, I watched the vapors of two planes intersect each other and form a perfect cross. I held my breath as the mist of one plane brushed white across the middle of another plane’s vapor below it. I wanted to raise my hands in praise, drop to my knees in gratefulness– or run and jump.

We live near an international airport, and often this scene is played out above me many times a day. Yesterday was no exception; I counted more than ten crosses in the sky at one time.

I know David is expressing praise to God for His glorious creation in Psalm 19:1. The beauty of a sunrise or sunset, of a moon flooded night with a myriad of stars shouts to David of God’s magnificence.

I wonder what the psalmist would write today when he saw crosses in the sky. Crosses that symbolize God’s love for every human being-crosses that show the Lord’s ultimate greatness.

Some sky-painted crosses are penciled in clear white lines-colored against the sky blue and they fade quickly; often there are remnants of older paintings-soft and fluffy- lingering as if to give more time for the world below to notice. Sometimes the brush crisscrosses –drawing multiple crosses on blue canvas. And then, at times, there is one lone cross.

This paintbrush of vapors is a megaphone; it is a message to the world shouting of God’s love and grace. When there are several crosses filling the sky above me, I realize again something of His great heart, expressing love for every nation, every people group–for all those we know and love.

From a single cross I hear a tender whisper–just for me’ “for God so loved you, Barb, that He gave . . .” I enjoy this gentle reminder every day, but especially at Easter time, of this massive love display air brushed in the sky.

Look up today on your journey-there is a love message just for you and the world.

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