… giving up… or focused…

Posted on April 25, 2024 by oct17

Have you ever wanted to give up… you know… to throw in the towel, and say, I quit? Many of us, at one time or another,  most likely can answer that question with a clear YES. I’m not talking about a major walking away of life; but about a day or two when dark clouds change the horizon. 

If any living being has reason to do just that this season, it is the bluebird community in our yard. They have been harassed, bullied, thrown out of their home… many times.

This spring has been exceptionally hard for one particular blue couple. Mockingbirds go after them like Kawasaki bombers; the notorious house sparrow and their number one enemy have stolen their nest box several times.  I have literally destroyed the tangled mess of sparrow architecture five times in this nesting box. (House sparrows are not a protected specie, and I can do this!) Finally, a neat nest was constructed by a hopeful couple, only to be harassed by the house wren, another problem enemy. Both the house sparrow and the house wren are known for piercing bluebird eggs and physically removing them from the nest. Just last week, a neighbor found broken shells of all four of her recently laid eggs at the  base of the feeder pole; the nest was empty. Can you imagine?

Or these predators will attack and kill the gentle blue birds and build a messy nest over the neat cup shaped home of the bluebird. Oh, the possibilities of torment are endless.

Would you be tempted to give up? I think I would…

As a monitor for bluebird boxes, I was especially overjoyed this week when I found a new nest and the first egg laid in our garden.  Now to wait and see if this couple will be able to complete this cycle of a new family. Often, much activity of bullying birds forces the bluebirds to abandon the home and leave.

But for today, they haven’t given up!

As I have watched the struggles of these beautiful winged creatures in my own yard, I have pondered on reasons for giving up. It appears to be a common malady among  humans.  One site I checked says 92% of us give up on our dreams, our plans; it’s often easier to walk away. Did you know that young Walt Disney was fired from his job… the reason given: “You lack imagination, and have no good ideas.” What if he had walked away? Mickey Mouse would have never been a part of our lives!!

Our strong will to survive health conditions, estranged relationships  financial issues… eventually can slip, and we lose focus. When busyness and activity, even good activity, muffles whispers of peace and hope, and we’re too sad, too tired, too… anything, and we almost give up.  

I am currently much involved, both emotionally and physically with a young international mother  (see my next blog… same kind of different as me ...). Perhaps, it is the hopelessness and despair I see in her journey that has threatened to detour me from a focused hope. My Polly Anna nature has failed me! 

“But I am like an olive tree flourishing in the house of God; I trust in God’s unfailing love forever and ever… in Your name I will hope. for Your name is good (Psalm 52:8). I wondered why David, the writer of this psalm, affirmed he was like an olive tree. 

Olive trees are extremely tough.; they’re incredibly strong, producing fruit for hundreds of years.  They can handle almost any situation… drought, sub zero temperatures, frost, fire. Their roots are so strong they can regrow even when it seems like they’ve been totally decimated. Even when the tree has been destroyed, if the roots are intact, the olive tree clings to life and will rise above the soil once again.  (Olive Grove Oundle) 

David was harassed by fierce enemies; he often was in hiding for his life. And he did, in fact, lament the perils he found himself… many times (Psalm 69, especially), but ultimately, he would return to his hope in the living God. Even as the king of Israel, David was not immune to dark days, but he always returned to the knowledge that God was near. He desperately desired to stand strong as the olive tree. 

I, too, am not immune to shadows of the “what ifs” of a day. So I must… I have to listen… to the promises of God’s presence. ‘The Lord is near to all who call on Him, to all who call on Him in truth” (Psalm 145:18). “Do not be afraid, for I am with you…” (Isaiah 43:5).

I just now took this picture; there has been a new egg each day for the last four days.  They have completed this part of their journey.  This pair of blue birds did not give up!!!
IMG_20240425_113232418

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… protected by kindness…

Posted on March 12, 2024 by oct17

“I believe you could talk to the wall,” someone laughingly said to me recently. Well, I thought she was laughing; maybe she was being unkind. I shared with her that I just had had a delightful chat with the new guard at the building entrance.

The next day I happened to read an article informing me that speaking to your house plants promotes healthy, strong growth. I wondered if they are in the same category as walls!

I admit I do talk to my plants, and often touch them as I walk past. Two Christmas poinsettias (one pictured below) continue to show off beautifully, and they’ve lived in this house for four months.

So I was not surprised when I researched a study done a few years ago by the Swedish IKEA company in relation to bullying:

Bully A Plant, a niche experiment conducted at a school in the United Arab Emirates leading up to Anti-Bullying Day on May 4, showed students how destructive negative comments can be. The DIY furniture giant set up two identical IKEA plants in the school, and for 30 days invited students to compliment one plant and bully the other. (Both plants received the same light, water, temperature etc. The only variable was in what they heard.)

The students’ comments were fed through speakers rigged into each enclosure. They were encouraged to record their words of praise, and to record their insults or send them via social media. A recording device then transmitted the messages to each plant.

The company admitted this wasn’t a real scientific experience, nevertheless, the results were phenomenal; one was healthy and thriving, and the other… completely drooped.

“It has helped children and their families understand the impact that words can have,” noted one IKEA CEO.

“He who loves a pure heart and whose speech is gracious will have the king for his friend” (Proverbs 22:11).

Molecular biologists from Stanford University in California discovered five plant genes are activated when touched, supporting sturdier stock growth than in those plants left untouched.

“in a world where you can be anything, be kind.”  ― Clare Pooley

If our words and gentle touches sustain beauty and growth in living plants, how much more do humans response to loving acts of kindness in how we speak and what we do?

We need not touch a stranger to foster love, but we smile, we speak an affirming word, we pay it forward, we send a note, we let someone in front of us—so, so many tiny acts of kindness we can do daily.

There are many descriptive synonyms for the word kind… tender, soft, pleasant, sensitive, delicate, tactful, understanding, generous, tenderhearted, genial, courteous, thoughtful, considerate, caring, compassionate. Wow! How amazing if these words could describe our current world…

“Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones” (Proverbs 16:24).

In Ephesians 4:32, we are admonished to “be kind, compassionate, tenderhearted to each other”… in the Greek, the word tenderhearted translates into “a love coming from deep inside us”.  When we are filled with this kind of love, kindness is natural… a continual act of… “be becoming kind.”

Jesus added, “I am giving you a new commandment, that you love one another. Just as I have loved you, so you, too, are to love one another… and the world will know, you are Mine” (John 13:34-35).  A kind and tender heart, caring and generous, lies in sweet fellowship with Jesus.

… especially at home… .

Tom and I were in a local shop three or four years ago, and someone asked if we were newly married!  We will celebrate 60 years of marriage this Thursday, March 14, so we laughed,” Why would you ask that?”

You are just so kind to each other was the reply.

Our children have gifted us with a three day get away anniversary trip this week. In their planning the event, they have collected emails, cards and notes from our friends around the world. I can not wait  to open them, and as we do, we will remember the beauty of each friendship and the relationship shared on our journey. Because you never forget a kindness!

Every thoughtful word, every act of kindness from ones we love and those who have loved us will forever be a part of who we are. And we are full with thankfulness.

… kindness lasts a long time…

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LOVE… living it… leaving it…

Posted on February 13, 2024 by oct17

“I want that when you’re gone,” our daughter laughed as she entered our home in  Vienna, Austria, on her first visit to see us. She was putting her name on a piece of antique furniture, a schrank (wardrobe) we say in German…

I hope she wants much more of “us” after we’ve gone than that!  Surely we will leave her and our other children more than a beautiful vintage piece. But just what will we leave behind?

Or, perhaps, is it best to ask… How am I living today?

We have lost seven friends or family members of friends in the last two weeks.  Tom and I attended a funeral of a dear 96- year old saint this past week. Martha did, indeed, leave behind a beautiful legacy of a life of love and smiles. “She set the bar high,” the minister noted as he shared moments of her years.

We are living our legacy everyday… now.

How do I want to be remembered? How about you? What will your world say at your memorial?

Legacy often implies something tangible left us by another. Fortunes, real estate. You know… treasures and stuff. Or maybe if we could only win the lottery… then we could leave behind a sizable legacy.

Not so, U.S.A. Today reports. “Nearly one-third of lottery winners eventually go bankrupt within three to five years, which is more likely than the average American, according to the Certified Financial Planner Board of Standards.

If you are familiar with the book of Ecclesiastes, you know Solomon was a wise, but most unhappy man. He had everything, did everything, learned everything and still considered life to be meaningless. That word is used over 30 times in the 12 chapters of this book in the Bible.

“So I hated life, because the work that is done under the sun was grievous to me. All of it is meaningless, a chasing after the wind. I hated all the things I had toiled for under the sun, because I must leave them to the one who comes after me” (Ecclesiastes 2:17,18).

Imagine his misery! I would not have wanted to be one of his 700 wives or one of 300 concubines (1 Kings 11:3).

Solomon, at times, does hint there are some positives in life…”Go eat your food with gladness, and drink your wine with a joyful heart, for it is now that God favors what you do. Always be clothed in white, and anoint your head with oil. Enjoy life with your wife, whom you love, all the days of this meaningless life that God has given you under the sun— all your meaningless days” Ecclesiastes 9:7,8,9).

You may think Solomon was the only one who felt unhappy and incomplete with all the wealth he accumulated. Another more current celebrity expresses the same thought:

“I think everybody should get rich and famous and do everything they ever dreamed of so they can see that it’s not the answer.”Jim Carrey,2005

 We ask, what’s the answer?

Most of us want our legacy to be more than monetary. One survey indicates over 90% of people believe a life well lived is how they want to be remembered.

… you leave tomorrow what you live today.

“This is my commandment, that you love one another just as I have loved you. No one has greater love, no one has shown stronger affection, than to lay down, give up, his own life for his friends” (John 15:12,13) Amplified Version.

I smile, remembering Mary Jane… she left a beautiful legacy of gentleness and softness. She lived an intentional life loving her Lord! Because of her love relationship with Him, she was able to leave an inheritance of love to those in her world. She believed, understood and lived the truth of John 3:16: “For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life”.

The gifts she left behind are in such contrast to what my physical father left his family. see here. You leave behind what you live today.

Years ago when Tom and I were scheduled to lead our very first marriage conference, we called all four of our adult children to ask: What is the one thing you would say is something we have given you in our marriage? Without hesitation, all agreed to the same in their own words… “It’s how you show your love to one another… everyday.”

This Valentine’s Day, is a day we celebrate love. May we be conscious of living our legacy. “We love because He first loved us” (1 John 4:14).

Legacy is not leaving something for people. It’s leaving something in people. —Peter Strople

 

 

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… loved… and liked…

Posted on January 18, 2024 by oct17

I love the times when Tom cups my face in his hands, his eyes shining, “I sure like you,” he says softly. Now, I know he loves me… there is no doubt; he has been loving me 60 plus years (our 60th anniversary is this March 14). But when he expresses his love with the word “like”… well, that’s just special.

There’s something about the word like, especially when someone has to love us!! Love means commitment and yes, those multiple words we use with romance. Despite our idiosyncrasies, our changeable moods and “bad hair” days, we are still loved by the one committed to love us.

But like… speaks a different language. It says I enjoy you; I take pleasure in you… I delight in you this moment (maybe not on a bad hair day!) You make my heart glad. Love, coupled with like, ensures a deep, confident relationship.

Brennan Manning shares the story of a friend visiting an uncle in Ireland to celebrate the uncle’s 80th birthday. The two of them were walking on the shore of Lake Killarney early morning on the special day. They stopped in silence, watching the sunrise for a full twenty minutes. The nephew noticed that his uncle was wearing an exceptional happy expression. When asked why he was smiling so big, the uncle replied, “The Father of Jesus is very fond of me.”  (Reflections for Ragamuffins, p4).

Manning writes: God must love us: it’s His very nature. He would not be God if He didn’t. But is He fond, very fond, of you… of me? The realization that our Father God likes us, that He takes pleasure in us, reveals the tenderness and acceptance He has for you and me.

“The Lord delights, takes pleasure… in those who fear Him (who stand in awe of Him), who put their hope in His unfailing love.” Psalm 147:11

I find often in Scripture  we are admonished to “delight in the Lord”… to  find joy in the Lord… This joy, this being liked, is reciprocal. What God likes about us is that we take joy in Him.

I see “wonderful” in every bush and flower; I literally choose to joy in my surroundings.  I dance in the starshine! I am aware of His pleasure.  He, in turn, delights in my delight!

“… for the Lord takes delight in His people… (Psalm 149:1-5)

One of my favorite verses… “The Lord your God is with you; He is mighty  to save. He will take great delight (not just delight, but great delight!) in you. He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing” (Zephaniah 3:17).

Why?

Because He has chosen you and me. I love the Amplified version of this thought… He has actually picked you out for Himself  that you (and I) should be holy and blameless before Him” (Ephesians 1:4).

I could say it is somewhat hard, almost impossible, to delight in any part of  this day… I mean the weather is  terribly cold, impossible to go for a walk; the ground is frozen solid; the roads are covered with ice.  What can I delight in today in this gray, frigid Tennessee weather?                    But then…Knowing we are not only loved, but liked… believing this eternal God takes great delight in our pleasure of Him is life changing.

This is not a sunrise off the coast of Ireland, but it was my sunrise over snow yesterday. “This is the day the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it”  (Psalm 118:24).

… being loved and liked…

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… in wonder…

Posted on December 16, 2023 by oct17

It’s such a rough, almost crude, dwelling in front of me… I stood on the soaked ground in awe. I can’t intelligently explain what happened, but for brief moments, all the Christmases past, present and future melded in praise.

Not wanting to return to reality, I stayed longer in the joy of the morning. Even in this sadness enveloping our whole world, I sensed the peace of the season; it was as if the love of the Father shouted words of eternal meaning. “The most precious moments of prayer consist in letting ourselves be loved by the Lord” says Brennan Manning. ** I stood that morning in the cold dawn, wrapped in love.A few days before receiving this morning’s gift, I had come across the words “radical amazement” used by Abraham Heschel. I have followed that line of thought these past days, and though, he and I share different faiths, I do understand what he meant by living in wonder of everyday.

I smile in the memories of Christmas past when our children were young. When our family was together, laughing, loving, playing. Now, in the pain of brokenness, I rejoice in truth, because the hope of Christmas has not changed.

An entry on a devotional page… when my world was still glorious and bright… I wrote on December 10,,2011… “Christmas is for Now; it is every day.” And it is, as we live in radical amazement.

Heschel writes… “our goal should be to get up in the morning and look at the world in a way that takes nothing for granted. Everything is phenomenal; everything is incredible. Never treat life casually. To be spiritual is to be amazed.” 

The same Hebrew word translated to be afraid used in the Old Testament Scripture  also means to stand in awe, to be filled with reverence. I think it is amazing the same word can mean “to stand in terror” or “to stand in awe”? Yes, there are times to fear the Lord as we stand in His holiness and greatness, but how beautiful, we can stand in wonder… even in those moments.

“Let all the earth fear the Lord; let all the inhabitants of the world stand in awe of him!
(Psalm 33:8). ESV

What gift of wonder and amazement will I receive this Christmas… this week? Today?

This past Sunday we visited a church where Tom and I had served fifteen years in ministry before we left for international missions. A father wheeled his 43-year old son in and sat two rows in front of me. Tears ran down my cheeks as I have known Sean these many years but had not seen him in a long time. He was not expected to live past eleven years, as he was on oxygen and was tube fed when he was adopted at 21 months.

This beautiful couple lovingly, patiently gifted him with a life, (you should see him eat now!) and this Sunday, smiles covered his face as Christmas praise filled his heart. I was amazingly overjoyed!

Can you imagine you could be surprised and fascinated, be awestruck, be dazzled at least… once a day…

But the greatest wonder of today… by George Bev Shea, 1956.

There’s the wonder of sunset at evening,
The wonder as sunrise I see;
But the wonder of wonders that thrills my soul
Is the wonder that God loves me.

O, the wonder of it all!
The wonder of it all!
Just to think that God loves me.
O, the wonder of it all!
The wonder of it all!
Just to think that God loves me.

There’s the wonder of springtime and harvest,
The sky, the stars, the sun;
But the wonder of wonders that thrills my soul
Is the wonder that’s only begun.

It is difficult, perhaps impossible, to live in radical amazement as I look on the world’s scene, but today, personally, I worship in wonder at the news of the announcement, “The virgin will be with child and will give birth to a son, and they will call him Immanuel… which means God with us (Matthew 1:23).

Manning affirms… “If Jesus is Lord of my life and my Christmas, I am challenged to  submit all the priorities of my personal and professional life to this primary fact.” He adds… If you really accept the mystery of Bethlehem… these glad tidings of great joy, your heart will be filled with the laughter of the Father”.**

And I stand in wonder.

** Reflections for Ragamuffins, 1997

 

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… seasoned…

Posted on November 13, 2023 by oct17

My yearly plea to Tom… “Please, please, leave the leaves on the ground as long as possible,” I beg every fall as they begin to pile up. And he does try, but that is as difficult for him to do as it is for me to see them carted away.

Walking barefoot in the leaves must be a hangover from childhood. Carefree times before the abuse. see here  Memories of colorful leaves crackling underfoot make me happy. There’s a quiet calm that settles me.  “Every leaf speaks bliss to me/ fluttering from the autumn tree.” Emily Bronte

Only a few months ago, every tree was dressed in green… then just as quickly, they were fashioned in bright colors. Today, they stand naked. I want to tip-toe into this season, accepting the changes, while fully living in the Now.

I want to…

I can see my Granny, with a long-ago look, staring out her window, watching trees undress right in front of her. “This time of year makes me sad,” she mourned, “It means winter is coming.”

“Oh Granny, winter is coming, but then spring comes,” my fourteen year wisdom advised. I had no idea then where she was in her season of life.

Today I understand.

While I’m tugging to embrace this season of fall a bit longer, walking in the leaves, holding sweet memories of my brothers’ last months, the hygienist in my dentist office this week had a beautiful Christmas scene on the massive screen right in front of me. “I hope you don’t mind Christmas music this early,” she smiled.

No, of course, I don’t mind. I love Christmas music; I love Christmas but please don’t rush me into a new season. I want to stay here for the Now.

Embrace the current season of your life… Gabrielle Blair

Weather seasons…come… they go, they change. Earth has seasons because our planet’s axis of rotation is tilted at an angle of 23.5 degrees relative to our orbital plane, that is, the plane of Earth’s orbit around the sun. (earth.sky.org) There are other factors, but this is the simple reason we have spring, summer, fall and winter.

Seasons of life… appointed times… come, they go, they change. There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven (Ecclesiastes 3:1).

My Pollyanna nature has always accepted change, even expecting the “something wonderful around the next corner. I have been content to settle into the seasons of life as they came: with babies, the teen years, the transition into an empty nest, medical issues, sadness in saying goodbyes all over the world…

… but this season is different.

My tilt is off…

Perhaps it is the loss of two younger brothers this summer; perhaps it is the toll of Tom’s constant back pain. Missing ministry as we loved. The world chaos affects me deeply.

Or maybe it is the realization winter is coming.

“Where is the verse that says ‘be ready in season and out of season to give a reason for the hope within you’?” I asked Tom as we were driving home a few days ago. He grinned and said, “I think you have two different verses going on in that pretty head of yours.” (But in your hearts, set apart Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope you have: I Peter 3:15 and Proclaim/share the Word, be prepared in season and out of season… 2 Timothy 4:2)

But do I have them mixed up? I think they fit together perfectly! Being ready to press on with a word of hope… no matter the season you find yourself.

Please don’t invite me into the next season… not yet. I want to tread slowly among these leaves of today’s memories…

“Be aware of what season you are in and give yourself the grace to be there.” — Kristen Dalton

We are all here… today…

… in a season. But I trust in You, O Lord; I say, You are my God. My seasons are in Your hands…(Psalm 31:14,15).

Yes, Christmas is coming! With its message of hope and peace to the world. How beautiful to enter this season!

 

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… focused…

Posted on October 13, 2023 by oct17

This October morning seemed perfect… crisp, cool, a deep blue sky. A sweet beginning to my favorite season.

I don’t want to miss these days as I missed the months of August and September… days lost in preoccupation of busyness in a scheduled bathroom renovation coupled with surprise water damage from a faulty refrigerator, resulting in chaos as the floors had to be taken up.

I almost missed it! There have been days, perhaps weeks, that I missed the Now.

I longed for normal… I longed for dust free furniture. I longed to hear whispers of peace. I tried to write a blog, but I was too much “with me”; the focus was on the present moment of  getting all things done. There were bits of normalcy even with a temporary kitchen set up in the garage, but Now was stolen by urgent needs.

I lost the focus of living in the moment.

Isn’t it strange that we can become self-absorbed when days don’t go as planned… when our schedules are interrupted? … so easily we forget the struggles of others.

You’ve heard the expression, “I cried (or complained) because I had no shoes. Then I saw someone with no feet.”  Getting the house back in order had to be done, of course, but it should not have changed my focus. And it did… for a time.

A friend in a nearby town called last week to tell me the owner of the house they lived in had sold it; they were given ten days to vacate. Dust and cracks suddenly lost their importance.

“Where will I go? What will I do,” her voice broke.

Today… wherever we are in this house project, or wherever you are in your world… doesn’t seem quite important as I watch parts of the world with no shoes, no feet, no homes… life, as normal, is over for many.

I remember hearing the whisper, “Pray My heart for the world,” two decades ago before we moved to Europe. How easily and quickly I began loving the international family in Vienna and later in Copenhagen. Even the sad faces crowded on the city’s trams, trains and buses were not dull objects, occupying a space, but became a focus of love and intercession.

Tom performed the wedding ceremony in Vienna for a lovely young woman from Bethlehem; we love a Syrian lady born in Damascus, living in Vienna. We had Muslims for dinner.  Currently a sweet part of my days is teaching a young Muslim English; “I feel so happy here”, she hugs me.It was and continues to be a joy to love the world.

So what is my response this day?

“My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you… (John 15:12).

Brennan Manning says, “Time has been given to us to cause love to grow, and the success of our lives will be measured by how delicately and sensitively we have loved. There is no escaping the gospel logic that all our thoughts, words, and deeds addressed to others are in a real way addressed to Christ himself.”

“No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and His love is made complete in us  (I John 4:12).

… focused to love…

 

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is it?… it is what it is…

Posted on August 14, 2023 by oct17

Thursday morning, August 10… I write…

I wonder at times if I should ever write another blog; I realize many  lately begin on a sad note.  Surely, perhaps… maybe… hope for this journey to Now can be found. But I do  question whether they make a difference or give a witness of my faith.

I blog for selfish reasons, I suppose. I began blogging in 2012 to stay in touch with those we had said good bye to in Europe.  I loved too easily and too big. I couldn’t let go, so I wanted to write you often.

Another reason I write is to share the same hope with you that I find on my journey; many of us share the same struggles and joys. I always, and I say always, see the glass as half full, never half empty; I smell every rose, I smile at the birds’ antics; I joy in the butterflies drinking nectar from the zinnias; I squeal at the deer racing through the fields around us. I am a registered “Pollyanna!”

But the aging process, loss in family relationships, pain and troubles take a toll; they come to all… these are common happenings in life. I knew these things happened but I had not realized they would find me so soon, and life could hurt so much. Current blogs share my heart that yes, life happens… to me… perhaps to you.

Friday morning, August 11…  I write…

Some mornings are sad… they just are.

A storm in the night caused havoc in the yard and chaotic remnants are displayed all over freshly mowed grass. But it was so beautiful yesterday.

It’s a cloudy, sad morning.

A friend is having intricate surgery this morning for a crushed wrist after tripping over her pet on a concrete patio. The doctors give her a 70/80% recovery of the use of her hand. Her hands support her life.

Another younger brother is dying. (I lost my first brother … picture above) three months ago, May 05) https://ajourneytonow.me/2023/05/19/softened-by-tears/ … My thoughts are muddled as the reality of life and death is showing itself much too near my comfortable belief system. Oh yes, everyone dies. We all know that. We all experience the loss of grandparents, parents and loved ones we hold dear. It’s a natural, beautiful process they tell us. Until…

Until… it is very near.

“It is what it is”… I hear this expression used a lot these days. The words were originally written in an article of the Nebraska State Journal in 1949, describing the difficulty of frontier life in 1949. Later, it was a popular expression concerning losses in sports.

Some shrug, saying these words with a resigned acceptance, almost with a defeatist nature. There is nothing I can do, so I must accept this “thing”, this pain, this storm.

Is life only what it is or is it adjusting, changing, accepting to… and in… those circumstances?

Saturday morning, I write…

Another loss. Another reality. Another sad lesson in life.

My younger brother, David, lost the battle about noon yesterday he had been fighting; he was a Marine to the core, and has fought hard these last two years from the effects of Agent Orange. I’ve heard him say, “It is what it is”.  And I would fight for America again!

Some things can be changed: I can pick up all the broken limbs scattered across the lawn; my friend came through surgery yesterday, but now with much pain. She will recover with therapy, and hopefully will regain a good percentage of the use of her hand…

… but what of an unchangeable loss of a loved one or a family member. Acceptance and changing a mindset will not ease the pain.

You may have heard this prayer from Reinhold Niebuhr(1892-1971)…

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Debris of storms can be cleaned away; therapy can enable one to regain use of a body part. I’m looking at the picture of Kenneth on my desk; now I will add David’s picture here. I cannot change these events and wipe it off the calendar. There is something missing in a blind acceptance of these physical losses, these things I cannot change.

Today, August 14, I write… thoughts of yesterday.

Sunday morning I spent time thinking on peace… “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled, and do not be afraid (John 14:27). Isaiah 26:3 “You will keep me in perfect peace as my mind is steadfast, because I trust in You. (I read this very personally). I was not peaceful. Maybe I have forgotten the real definition of peace?

Radar predicted a storm was about to hit our area. As usual, I went outside to await the storm!

I huddled in the corner of the patio. As far back as I could be as the storm began to release the promised 70-mile an hour winds. Every tree surrounding the house seemed to bend and bow in the chaos. I stood… petrified or awed… not sure which. It appeared every rooted thing could be uprooted any moment.

An uncanny peace wrapped around me as I hunched closer to the brick wall. I can’t quite express the sense of His presence, holding me tightly. It was as if affirmation for every storm we are going through and may go through went through me. Whispers of “I am here. I am holding you.” I can’t explain it; it makes no sense. But in this moment, a warm, sweet surreal peace of contentment and safety washed over me, and I knew…

At this moment I knew again… He knows all the storms that have been and will ever come. Yes, I can change some things and accept the things I cannot. But when sad, heartbreaking life events happen, and the storm comes, I listen. He provides a peace that “transcends understanding” (Philippians 4:7). A peace, an inner calm of body, mind and spirit that rises above the limits of normal. A peace that guards and protects.

Three hours later, we notice the lifting of the hardwood floors around the refrigerator. We thought we had taken care of the leak under the appliance. This may be an awful mess, a financial burden to change the effects of the damage… but this storm can be accepted and changed.

News present stories of uncountable loss. I grieved at the death of little Riley Faith in July, the seven year old who had battled her cancer with such strength. Or the 15 year old young man who died from a kick to the chest in a Karate class this past week. Oh my heart cries for untold loss… storms that can not be changed nor accepted.

Heartache that can only be endured with a Voice and a Presence that says, I am here, and you are held with a peace the world can not understand.

I walked later in the wet grass, smiling. He is here, and … it is different than it is!

 

 

 

 


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… a stop… for Now

Posted on July 14, 2023 by oct17

I remember the first time Tom and I came upon the word umleitung while driving through a small German town. There it was… suddenly, demanding we stop. This guidepost blocked the way of our intended direction. After the first week of language classes, we were ready for uninterrupted fun.

We had no choice… but to stop.

Umleitung

There had been no warning, no major indication that something was wrong, but we had a hint we couldn’t proceed in the same direction. I grabbed our German to English manual we kept with us at all times. Just to make sure we understood what that strange word meant to us on this day’s journey.

You know, there are roadblocks, closed doors, detour signs on most of our journeys. Various kinds of obstacles challenge life these days, but, for the most part, we manage and  proceed.

They come to all… these dark curtains of a fearful unknown. For me, previous obstacles seemed to be more easily navigable; Tom and I simply went through them together, we chose to go around them, walk right through them or go over them. Life shattering issues and events didn’t seem to take the heavy toll it could have:

my father’s abuse

the loss of our second child

the termination of a position for Tom

Tom’s prostate cancer

my diagnosis of Lyme disease

the destruction of Q-fever on my mind and body

One morning this week an umleitung caused me to stop…

… when you can’t go through or around or over, what are you to do? How do you take another step? I cannot see what is ahead. When I could not fix the problem. I decided to sit  there in the road and wait.

Not only was I here with the physical barrier trapping me from going  forward on my morning’s journey, I realized I was “here” emotionally.  I can touch and feel the concrete road, I walk on the grass. It’s what I can’t see that distresses my spirit.

I know. I know the promises. I understand the truths. But often the picture directly ahead is painted by choices of others… those we love. Can I be derailed? For a moment I struggle. I am afraid to enter. I am afraid of what’s beyond. Scenarios of Hollywood proportions trigger fearful imaginations.

Words of the song Trust His Heart (Babbie Mason and Eddie Carswell) come to mind… when you can’t see His plan, when you can’t understand, trust His heart. That can sound so cliche to hurting people.  Trust is not easily learned; it is in the waiting, the searching. It is in finding God, not finding an answer or Him “fixing” the issues.  Faith is strengthened while we wait for a way through or we find joy in the journey.

Circumstances are most likely not going to change… at least not quickly… or ever.  It is finding peace, living Now in the knowing Him.

Foggy morning stillness quiets my questions. I listen carefully. He knows I am afraid; my heavenly Father knows I am confused with the what ifs. I whisper, “Have mercy on me, my Father, for I am fragile” (Psalm 6: 2). I stand in front of this barricade, afraid to enter the unknown, and I remember a promise I had noted a few days earlier, “You came near when I called You, and You said, “Do not fear” (Lamentations 3:57).

This plan I must learn is for me, for Tom and me, for our marriage… that we be faithful,  holy and blameless before Him… no matter the circumstances.  This does not mean all roadblocks will suddenly be removed; it simply means, I can respond in love and gratitude for our children and  our grandchildren. As difficult as it is for me to learn I cannot undo their choices, I rest in this plan.

Easy? Of course not!

I remember that Jesus said, “Do not worry or be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will have worries and anxieties of its own… seek Me first…” (Amplified, Matthew 6:33,34).

This is the same road… tomorrow.

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… life is now…

Posted on June 14, 2023 by oct17

“There isn’t time, so brief is life, for bickerings, apologies, heartburnings, callings to account. There is only time for loving, and but an instant, so to speak, for that.” (Mark Twain)

I think the bird population in our yard has not learned this lesson… in fact, I see a strong resemblance to the human race! They fight over seeds and worms. Hummingbirds viciously attack  one of their own over the sweet nectar. And then the latest observation… a house sparrow couple literally stole my blue bird’s cozy apartment, and made it their own. I don’t like this at all!There’s only time for loving… and how quickly that passes. It’s like holding a bar of soap in your hands… and life slips as quietly, as quickly through pages of the calendar. Year after year.

If there’s only time for love, how does one do this?

A recent article confirmed what I’ve always believed about life. We have a moment, this NOW, to love and live. The Harvard Study of Adult Development, one of the world’s longest studies of adult life (1938) confirms my belief in this secret of happiness.

Robert Waldinger, the current director (there have been four, as this began 85 years ago) of the study, a psychiatrist at Massachusetts General Hospital and a professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School, says, “Taking care of your body is important, but tending to your relationships is a form of self-care, too. That, I think, is the revelation.”

The result of this study brought a clear and surprising finding for many. Not only do good relationships make for happiness, they keep us healthy. They discovered that the more we are connected to another… to others, we are happier.

The study revealed that the happiest couples in their 50s were the healthiest in their 80s. The ones who worked diligently to protect their relationships managed the pain and heartache of the later decades much more confidently and in happiness than others who were in lonely places.

Brennan Manning writes, “Time has been given to us to cause love to grow, and the success of our lives will be measured by how delicately and sensitively we have loved.”

Today, June 14, I celebrate and honor Tom, my husband of almost 60 years (March 14 will be that milestone). It’s his birthday… the calendar turns to 79, that’s almost 80! “Many, O Lord, my God, are the wonders you have done. The things you planned for us no one can recount to You; were I to speak of them and tell of them, they would be too many to declare” (Psalm 40:5).

(always a favorite picture, seeing him read and study)

Tom’s life verse has been: “Since my youth, O God, you have taught me, and to this day, I declare your marvelous deeds. Even when I am old and gray, do not forsake me till I declare your power to the next generation…”( Psalm 71: 17,18).

We were walking in a nearby park on Sunday, hand in hand, and Tom suddenly asked, “Can we walk together except we be agreed” (Amos 3:3). We have chosen the hard work of fiercely protecting the foundation and the structure of our marriage, living in gratefulness for the gift we are given. We decided a long time ago our relationship was the most important part of life.

Dr.Waldinger affirms this, “The surprising finding in our study is that our relationships and how happy we are in our relationships have a powerful influence on our health.”

Certainly, we are not without some health issues; Tom manages chronic pain from his back. Even in this area, the study  concludes that pain is magnified for those not in healthy relationships.

I write this in honor of our relationship, but the truths are the same for you in strong, happy relationships with your spouse… with others, whether friends or family members. Being connected socially has a positive effect on your happiness and health.

A journal entry a few years ago, written on a page in a book I was reading, adds to this thought: “Life is to be lived out in honoring God, loving Him, serving Him. This happens by honoring others, loving them and serving them. And it begins at home. It’s this simple.”

“No one has ever seen God, but if we love one another, God lives in us, and His love is made complete in us” (1 John 4:12).

It has been my life’s joy to love and serve others in ministry and

… Tom… at home.

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