… guard these moments… now

Posted on March 13, 2026 by oct17

Perhaps it’s my age.

Or maybe, it’s the fact that Tom and I will celebrate 62 years of marriage tomorrow, Saturday, March 14, and I want 62 more.  I’m asking  where have all the moments gone.  How did the years escape so quickly?

Tom and I have shared 744 months, 22,630 days… 543,120 hours. Is this all?… seems much too few. And they’re gone… all gone. But “we have this moment today.“You may  remember the Gaither song written in the 70’s, We Have This Moment, Today?  Popular versions were released by his vocal band in 2005 and in 2017. (lyrics below).

How can anyone remember  62 years? or 40 years? or even 20 years?  Certainly memories color the days and years, but it’s the moments today that keep memories alive.  The NOW continues to bring magic to past moments.

“It’s the little things,” my friend, Evelyn, quietly voiced last week. She is sitting with her husband of 61 years these days as he recovers from surgery and pneumonia.  She smiled as she shared how they intertwinded fingers and he grinned  “his special grin.”

It’s all the little things.

Do you know how important a hug is to your marriage?  Not one hug, but lots of hugs! Social media tells us that we need four hugs a day just for survival.  We need eight a day for maintenance. And a whopping 12 hugs every day for growth.

Wow! That’s a lot of hugging! I wish I had gotten 12 hugs everyday over these yers, but I fear I  missed some.

Oxytocin, the love hormone, is released in our brains when we are hugged. This hormone is esstential in childbirth, but is beneficial to relationships for bonding and promoting trust.

When the delivery fellows set up our new loveseat this past December, one  remarked, “I have delivered hundreds of these, and this is the very first one we delivered, that we had to take out the center console!”

We like to touch, I explained.  Tom’s love language is physical touch, and he has taught me to speak this language, too. Removing the console makes it easier!

Then there are words— simple, everyday words of kindness, encouragement. Kindness and respect are gifts we give to each other. “Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones” (Proverbs 16:24).

There are no perfect marriages, as there are no perfect people.  Good moments help to ward off the imperfect parts in any relationship. Tom and I have worked hard these years to make sure the beautiful moments outweigh the negative ones. Guard your moments, carefully. Almost sacredly.

You, who know me, know my PollyAnna nature… always expecting more, the wonderful  around the next corner.  But now… I’m more intentional, more than ever, to rest in the moments of today, to let go of expectations, to forgive and forget unwanted painful experiences… to accept the changes that have slowly taken a toll on the physical… forever thankful for the past, while dwelling on NOW.

“Those who plan what is good find love and faithfulness” (Proverbs 14:22).

I desire to focus on the NOW… today.

(Lyrics … We have This Moment…)
Hold tight to the sounds of the music of livingHappy songs from the laughter of the children at playHold my hand as we runThrough the sweet fragrant meadowsMaking memories of what was today
We have this moment to hold in our handsAnd to touch as it slipsThrough our fingers like sandYesterday’s goneAnd tomorrow may never comeBut we have this moment today
Tender wordsGentle touch and a good cup of coffeeAnd someone who loves meAnd wants me to stayHold them near while they’re here, ohAnd don’t wait for tomorrowTo look back and wish for this day
We have this moment to hold in our handsAnd to touch as it slipsThrough our fingers like sandYesterday’s goneAnd tomorrow may never comeBut we have this moment today, we have this moment today
We all have this moment today
Source: Musixmatch

Songwriters: Gloria Gaither / William J. Gaither

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… where is Christmas…

Posted on December 29, 2025 by oct17

… you know that magical fairyland inviting you to open a hidden door into the  fantasies of childhood.  I’ve searched especially hard this season, and yet, even now, I’m not sure what I’ve been seeking. Perhaps the sensational expectations with tinsel and glitter are not to be found due to my physical tiredness. A new bout of Covid has stolen the mental and phsyical energy for Christmas. I’ve been too exhausted to bake even one cookie! There were no Christmas scents stirring up memories from my kitchen.

I settle down with a cup of Christmas chai while Pandora whispers carols softly… I wait.  It’s as if I’m waiting for all Christmases past to parade on the snow-covered screen in front of me, and  I’ll find Christmas Present. It’s not there.

Creches perch on every shelf and table—a crystal  one from Sweden, an olivewood one from Jerusalem, pottery ones from Hungary, and Peru. Hand carved ones from Italy, from Germany. Handmade ornaments from around the world hang from the dead, green branches on the tree… is the Christmas spirit alive?

It was a cold night in December, 1964, when we bought our first nativity. We were so young… I was 19, Tom was 20. We found this at Woolworths.  Christmas was so real, so joyful in that moment.

But, alas, Christmas is not found in the figures of a cold creche.

I survey the few gifts left under the tree (the postal sleigh delivered others)… and wonder… is Christmas hidden in every unwrapped package?

I can’t find Christmas in the sights and sounds—suddenly all is so ordinary. I think I was struck with the finality of life when Tom “coded” three times in the hallway of the hospital in Vienna. I seem to have internalized all the pain and heartbreak of the world during this “most wonderful time of the year”.

Please understand and know… I love, love Christmas, this magical season of anticipation and excitement. Tom tells me I have lived in a fantasy, an illusion of the perfect Christmas. Perhaps I have… perhaps I still do. But this year, I was lost (for a time). I could not “find” the spirit of Christmas  in all the generic nuances… in all the bells. There must be more, much more in this angelic announcement that a “Savior is born… for me, for you.”  I expect more  in this celebration of an infant come to earth for our freedom. I expect more in the truth that this “sweet little Jesus boy “ grew into a man to give His life for our days…. There is a reality we long for.  G.K. Chesterton says, “Christmas for the Christian is a gigantic secret.”

What does it all mean?

… where is Christmas?…

We literally have tons of leaves in the fall, and Tom tries to get ahead of the task, but not this year. Most of the trees undressed while we were gone in early November. When we returned on Thanksgiving Eve from two weeks in Vienna, Austria, the yard was swept clean! A wonderful someone had collected the millions of leaves and bedded them down in the garden. Later, I looked at the leaf  covered garden, “This is Christmas”, I smiled. We have no idea who did this … but it was Christmas! And it was November!

We were gifted with the tickets to Vienna in August… oh, that was Christmas! How precious the gift to see and hug  many friends from our ministry at the International Baptist Church there.

We have been given the privilege of pastoring a small church in a nearby county… it was Christmas in September! How beautiful it is to once again have a people to love.

Because of Tom’s illness and hospitalization while in Vienna, our return flight was delayed five days. This sweet church upgraded our flight home . That was beautiful Christmas!

While we were away, our sweet neighbor loved on our two cats many days, extra days, and took care of them gently… Christmas.

A few months ago, when eating out, we asked the waitress to give us the receipt for a family of five eating near us. The waitress didn’t keep the secret, and a few days later, I received an email full of gratitude. The mother shared how much our gift meant to them; they are going through an incredible difficult time as their 17-year-old daughter has a rare cancer. That was a Christmas moment for them.

Christmas is Now. It’s always Now… in the everyday as believers live out the love and joy placed in their hearts. It’s in sharing the hope, the good news of God’s love and grace. “For You have been my hope, O Sovereign Lord, my confidence since my youth” (Psalm 71:15).

“For those who claim His name, Christmas heralds this luminous truth: The God of Jesus Christ is our absolute future”… so writes Brennan Manning (Reflections for Ragamuffins, p336).

I would add to that and say that if we believe this, it is more than our future; it is our Now. We cannot separate the truth… the hope and peace of Christmas in December from the Christmases in the Januarys or the Junes.

The sixth stanzas in the original Austrian version of Silent Night proclaims:

Stille Nacht, heilige Nacht! Hirten erst kundgemacht
Durch der Engel Halleluja, Tönt es laut von fern und nah:
Christus, der Retter, ist da! Christus, der Retter ist da!

 Jesus, the Savior is here!  Jesus, the Savior is here!!

He is here… now. I encourage you to celebrate Christmas every day in this New Year, giving of your resources and time, sharing the hope you have and the joy you are given.

… where is Christmas…

It is here… now.

(This is somewhat disjointed, as I am, currently! But I want to connect with you and to wish you a glorious New Year.)

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… it came so quickly…

Posted on November 1, 2025 by oct17

Seems like  only yesterday  we danced in the hot sun, while begging for rain. When relief came with ice cream and iced tea under the shade of  full green trees. Would cool days come soon enough?

Then I opened the door this morning… a cool wet drizzle moistened my face, and I ran  to grab a warm jacket.  How did  this  happen?… almost  overnight.  As Oscar Wilde wrote, “And all at once, summer collapsed into fall.”Flowers, full of color and life, planted only weeks ago, now lay covered with a blanket of wet, fallen leaves. I wanted to cry… . this has happened so fast here in Tennessee.  Not yet, not now, I whisper. I want more autumn in these days; I want more color, more warmth from the sun before heavy sweaters are needed.

I remember my aging Granny, sitting quietly at the window, staring as  leaves twirled furiously  in all directions. “I don’t like this; winter is coming,”  she would mutter, sadly.

… it came so quickly…

And all at once, my years count 80.

“How beautifully leaves grow old. How full of light and color are their last days.” – John Burroughs

They tell us— I wonder who they are— there is beauty in aging… in this Fall of life. True, the golden and red falling leaves are more colorful, brilliant.  Past Falls brought squeals of delight;  walking in leaves… hearing crackle underfoot, content that the earth was preparing for spring. Tom is holding off this year in shredding and mulching the leaves… because he knows I so enjoy watching them color the yard, preparing for winter. Or is it spring?

I’ve made it two weeks into this new decade… this Now. So far, I don’t feel any different… except to remind myself of beautiful gifts to be celebrated.  Gratitude may be the greatest gift as summer gives way to Fall. There is an “at homeness”, a sense of calmness, a peace in the transition of tomorrow. “A heart at peace gives life to the body… (Proverbs 14:30).

A friend gifted me with a cross stitch many, many years ago; it read… “Count your age by friends, not years; count your life by smiles, not tears…”(attributed to John Lennon, but surfaced much earlier  in a publication, 1927). I told Tom I am now in my 1,000s of years! This birthday, especially, I realize how rich I am with friends, and with you, my readers.  I received multiple trans Atlantic hugs and wishes, American wishes, Asian greetings, South American wishes from friends… new ones and long ago ones!

“Moreover, when God gives any man, any woman, wealth and possessions, and friends and enables them to enjoy them, to accept his/her lot and be happy in his/her work— this is a gift of God. He/she seldom reflects on the days of life, because God keeps him/her occupied with gladness of heart” (Ecclesiastes 5:19,20).  Italics mine!

Tom and I attended a funeral yesterday of a dear friend… we have known Bobby since we were 20 years old.  I cried in thankfulness for the memories; his kindness touched his world in hundreds of lives. Yet, his death came too quickly.

I want to use this blog to express gratitude, pure thankfulness for friends… for you… who have loved and accepted me. Accepted Tom and me. In case I never post another blog, you must know how appreciated and loved you are. I began the blog site in 2011 for selfish reasons… I wanted to keep you forever in my life.

We have you…

“Autumn is the season to find contentment at home by paying attention to what we already have.” – Unknown

Winter comes all too quickly…

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… purposed… for more.

Posted on October 4, 2025 by oct17

I remember the dress was faded. Very faded.

Chocolate brown doesn’t fade well.  Not only was the little dress a dull color, but it had  been stripped of whatever adorned the small bodice initially, exposing rows of uneven, darker stitches across the front.

I wonder now where my mother found this dress that had to be redone, remade. I mean how could you possibly find a little brown dress, even a faded one…destined to have leaves added for an intended purpose. There were no Good Will stores, no thrift stores nor consignment shops, just bags of discarded items left for needy families at the college campus where my father attended.

I was eight years old; how do I remember the color so vividly? I can even now feel  the hardness of the fabric from being heavily starched. Was everyone looking at me? Would anyone suspect I was poor?

Along with the other girls in the class, I was to be part of a forest… we were destined to be trees that evening as we swayed and sang in the chorus.  You can imagine my relief when the teacher began pinning paper leaves of yellow, gold and red, covered with glitter, on the front of each dress. To this day, I like glitter!

Isn’t it strange that I can remember something so incidental, so unimportant as my third grade school play?  This may have been my first purpose in life!  I have recently read that seniors should spend some early morning time remembering events in the past.  Reliving this moment as a “tree”, led me to thinking of my purpose in life.

Later that morning, I was reminded… Barb, you were purposed for more, much more.

Comments on Facebook that same morning had literally destroyed my friendship with the world! The unkind words staggered my Pollyanna fantasy. So, when the whisper came of a bigger purpose, I was encouraged to be More. (I have taken a leave from social media; I only read notes if I am tagged and to get birthday notices.)

Apart from being a “tree” as an eight year old, I was designed for much bigger things: Tom’s helpmate, a mother, a friend, an English teacher to internationals, a blogger (albeit sporadic) and more, so much more! We have ambitions to achieve goals and expectations, these “little purposes” throughout life.

There has always been a higher purpose for my life… there is one for you.

“He chose you, (and me!!) actually picked us out for Himself as His own, in Christ, before the foundation of the world, that you—that I…  would be holy and set apart for Him”  (Ephesians 1:4 Amplified). That we would be kind, loving, forgiving, understanding, serving, kind… (my added words here). 

Can you see Tom in the tree…
 This was our little purpose two weeks ago…

I will be 80 years old in a few days; I am not doing well with this announcement. I cannot believe I can type that sentence here so casually.  My last blog  https://ajourneytonow.me/2025/08/22/growing-up-growing-old-never/ shared my woes of  knowing what to be when I grow up; then discovering we don’t have to grow up, but we will age. Aging is mandatory; growing up is not!

I have so enjoyed this journey to Now… these moments finding purpose. I believe the little purposes in life are only to enhance and make more beautiful our main purpose: we are to become more like Jesus every day. “The Lord will fulfill His purpose for me; your love, O Lord, endures forever— do not abandon the works of Your hands” (Psalms 138:8).

Hopefully, I fulfilled the purpose of looking and acting like a tree that night years ago in faded fashion, and I am reminded today that He doesn’t look on my dress, but He has created me…

and you… to look like Him, just like Him. More everyday.

We are called to be so much more!  Kinder. Softer. More loving, more forgiving.  I cannot separate who I am to be… my purpose in life… from these words:

“In everything you do, do to others as you want them to do to you” (Matthew 7:12).  “Be kind one to another, loving, forgiving, helpful, understanding (Ephesians 4:32).

You are purposed for much more…

Examples of this MORE…

A friend told me this week that her son discovered he had left his billfold in his car when he was checking out at Walmart. The clerk put the items aside while her son ran to his car.  When he returned, he was handed his items with the message that the person behind him had paid for his things.

Another friend told me that a person had come up to her in the grocery and handed her a $20 bill with the words, “Jesus asked that I give this to you.” 

Someone paid the dinner tab of $130 for a family of five, then found out later that there was a serious health issue with one of the daughters. The gift was an encouragement that the Lord was taking care of their hearts even in their pain. 

You have a great purpose…

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growing up… growing old. Never!

Posted on August 22, 2025 by oct17

For all of my adult years, I’ve wanted to know what to be when I grew up.  Tom laughs, “Barb, you’ll never grow up.”  Now, I have learned… I don’t have to!

No one ever really grows up. We’re always growing, learning, experiencing life in the moments; it is a continuous journey. I wonder at the time I have wasted making sure I was a proper adult, living with intimidation of other humans who appeared to have it all together.

We learn responsibility as a child, whether it’s taking care of a pet, doing simple required chores or later, babysitting.  These may be the first steps on the journey of becoming a want-a-be adult.

I remember so badly wanting to be a grown-up. Finally, I would be able to  eat with the elders seated around my grandmother’s Sunday dinner table. (This was before children came first!) We younger ones had to wait until the grown-ups were finished.  I’m sure this is the reason I prefer chicken wings to this day. I never had another option!

Would you believe I was ironing men’s long sleeved starched white shirts when I was 15 and 16? Some of you will remember these shirts being washed, dried by being hung in the sun, sprinkled down… made wet again as they were so hard from the hot sun, chilled, then laboriously ironed. What a process! Each shirt took a long time and required perfection when finished. The shirts belonged to the local bartender, and he wanted every shirt just right. For three summers, I ironed and saved these monies to pay for my years at a Christian boarding school.  I was a paper “boy”, as well, (and I was not called a paper girl then!) I had the best time on my route, developing all kinds of grown up  muscles with every paper I threw!

Grown up… we want to be there:  responsible, honest, dependable… we begin a journey we will never complete. (Tom is aging beautifully, don’t you agree.)

Now, we discover we are to be childlike again. ‘“Unless you become as little children…” Heaven will be filled with five-year old’s, says Brennan Manning, Reflections for Ragamuffins, p 221. (Here he is speaking of a child-like faith and a trust in God that children have.)

When I Grow up: Conversations with Adults in Search of Adulthood by Moya Sarner enlightened me that I am not alone in understanding this dilemma of knowing when one has arrived at becoming all grown up.

One older gentleman, quoted in the above book **Graham says, “I finally learned I’m just going to be who I am. You get to the point where you enjoy the Now. (I think he was 68!)

I read somewhere you must admit you’re old when you reach 70!  I didn’t and I refuse to do so Now. I  still expect “wonderful” around the corners of my days. I want to trust, expecting God’s goodness every day, believing as a child. I enjoy walking through rain puddles, walking barefoot in wet grass… to wander with wonder.  I must keep growing with a determined willingness to learn… and laugh.

Do you know children laugh between 300 -400 times a day. They (you know who “they” are) tell us that adults (those in the age range to be counted as adults) laugh four times. That’s four times a day!  One site did admit adults may laugh between 15 and 17 times daily. (An interesting aside…did you know that laughing 10-15 minutes will burn approximately 40 calories).

“You don’t stop laughing when you grow old, you grow old when you stop laughing.” – George Bernard Shaw.

Who wants to grow up? Not me…

How about growing old?  Not me… 

A friend photographer posted some pictures of his aging face and arms a few weeks ago on Facebook.  I was impressed… as I would never post my wrinkles there; my friend has embraced this aging process and is secure.   A friend of his made a comment on his post, “Aging is a beautiful gift. Consider how many are not given this gift.”

I stayed a long time on that sentence—Aging is a beautiful gift. I’m trying to embrace this, but I don’t like it.

Aging is an extraordinary process where you become the person you always should have been.” – David Bowie

“Gray hair is a crown of splendor …” (Proverbs 16:31).

But…

We work so hard to stay young. The money spent to maintain youthfulness and combat the effects of aging is staggering.  Fifty-five billion dollars were spent in 2023 on anti-aging products. The projected amount for 2033 is 108.5 billion. Can you believe the anti-wrinkle cream market alone is 11 billion dollars!   The U.S. is the single largest market of all things “anti-old”.

Consider Botox, plastic surgery… facelifts, neck lifts, brow lifts, peels… we just don’t want to grow old. I hide my wrinkles by laughing!

I had never thought of getting older (I do not use the word old!); I guess I thought I would just wake up in heaven one morning without going through the tunnel of aging…

Until…

I broke my ankle last May, 2024; the year long struggle with complications and lack of physical mobility birthed a new me. I became fearful, dependent, cynical even.  Suddenly joy in life was elusive. And I began to feel _ _ _.  I allowed this past year of limping and pain to speed up aging as I could not embrace the difficulties.

I forgot the promise: “Even to your old age and gray hairs, I am He. I am He who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you”  (Isaiah 46:4).

**Graham adds, If growing up is about being at peace with yourself, then that has happened.” And if that is so, then I am growing up… slowly, being present in the moments of Now.  It is not a choice to age; it is a choice to come alive… to keep growing.  “May the God of your hope so fill you with all joy and peace in believing that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound and be bubbling over with hope”… even when you’re almost 80!  (italics mine)Romans 15:13 Amplified.

““The longer I live, the more beautiful life becomes.” – Frank Lloyd Wright “Aging is not ‘lost youth’ but a new stage of opportunity and strength.”

… kicking the can… down the yellow brick road…

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… seeing joy in the now moments…

Posted on June 20, 2025 by oct17

You’ve heard the phrase… “looking for love in all the wrong places.” But what about finding joy in all the right places of today?

I tried not to stare, but I just couldn’t help it.  The scene in front of me at a crowded restaurant last Sunday brought joy to my Now.  Let’s be honest… often these days social media bombard the airways into our homes with such negativity that often we fail to see goodness all around.

I’m a victim of this. This past entire year has been a struggle at times since my ankle surgery last July 10, and the inability to  walk normally. I can allow myself to focus on the heaviness in the atmosphere, and my Polly Anna nature sinks. If I am not intentional in the search for positives in a world quite full of madness, I can  tunnel down a path of sadness and disappointment.  I try to stay off that path as much as I can…

I continued staring, between bites and discreet glances, describing to Tom what was happening at the table near us. I counted the children around the table; I noticed how they acted and reacted to each other. The mother was so calm; there was a joy shared as she interacted with her three older girls as she held a small baby.  A two-year-old boy sat by his dad.

Everyone was kind to the other, smiles and laughter; I could hardly believe what I was seeing.  The mother and father, sitting across from each other, talked together and/or answered a child at times. Of course, the little girls got up and ran to get an ice cream (at Jason’s Deli—everyone gets free ice cream); one brought her daddy a small cone, the same small serving they had each gotten.

I was mesmerized at the kindness displayed right in front of me.  I knew it was real. Children are the same in public as they are at home; they cannot pretend.  I do know family dynamics—we had four active ones! Yet, this moment last Sunday was magical! 

Tom and I finished lunch, and on our way out, I stopped at their table, “It has been a joy watching your family today; you have so encouraged me.”  We swapped history a bit, and I asked if they were believers.  It was then, the young mother smiled, “Can I tell you how we were saved?”

She briefly shared parts of a beautiful journey and then promised to email her testimony. She shared how God’s redemptive love and grace pursued them again and again. She told  of them living unmarried with two children, and how, now, five years later, she and her husband have found God’s forgiveness and salvation. Their joy was contagious. I was reminded of the verse in I Peter 1: 8… ‘Though you have not seen Him, you love Him, and even though you do not see Him now, you believe in Him and are filled  with an inexpressible and glorious joy.”

Seeing their happiness at that moment gave me renewed hope.  I realize again and again how God changes lives for His purpose. It strengthens faith to hear stories like this.

Have you seen the movie “I Still Believe”? It’s the story of the singer/songwriter Jeremy Camp and how his faith grew even through the illness and death of his young wife. Wow! He has used his story to encourage millions, sharing hope for those going through life’s difficulties.

We can use our stories, our journeys, our experiences, bringing joy to those around us.

A friend sent me the following link today: one I had not seen.  I so appreciate this pilot sharing his emotions with the entire plane…

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DK-qsQxBc5m/?igsh=MjhpMXF3cWI1dDF3

Everyday happenings, everyday people… sharing joy in the everyday moments.

“Let all who take refuge in You be glad; let them ever sing for joy. Spread Your protection over them, that those who love Your name may rejoice in You. Surely, O Lord, You bless the righteous; You surround them with Your favor as with a shield” (Psalm 5:11,12). 

 Today, I find joy in the blueberry patch!  I consider every potential pink one a gift …                               

Every good and perfect gift comes from above… James 1:17.

 

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… imprinted… forever.

Posted on May 9, 2025 by oct17

I remember the day, the morning, the chair I was sitting in.   But I can’t remember if I heard a shout or were the words suddenly painted on the wall. However it happened, my life was forever changed.

I had been studying through the book of Isaiah and that day, it was chapter 49. I could not believe what I had just read; I read it again… again. Immediately I ran to find every translation  in the house. Then I sat down in a puddle of tears… I was 50 years old.

“Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne? Though she may forget, I will not forget you! See, I have indelibly imprinted (tattooed) a picture of you on the palm of each of my hands; Your walls are ever before me” (v 15,16).

What an awesome declaration of love!  Can this be true? And to think this verse is in the Scriptures.

My mother sewed beautiful original dresses for my sisters and me as we were growing up; she trusted me in the kitchen at a young age with precious ingredients the family budget could hardly afford. She has given me a tremendous work ethic, and I appreciate truths she instilled in me… “Never date someone you wouldn’t want to marry”!  How novel is that advice.  And her voice I hear often in the daily details, “If you do it right the first time, you won’t have to do it again.”

Something happened on the way to life… a divorce, family abuse by my father… fragmentation. here-— (you can read my journey) When I became my father’s caregiver, the relationship with my mother was not good. I came to understand she no longer loved me.

Something happens to all of us on the way to life. Changes in life are often difficult to understand, to navigate the broken places and to find peace and truth once again.  To give forgiveness… over and over again.

Mother’s Day was not an easy celebration during the middle years of my adult life.  I envied friends who had a “perfect mother”. As I matured (goodness, how long does it take one to let go of the broken pieces and understand life happens to someone we love and causes such pain and heartache they may never be the same!), I learned to accept the situation without questioning anymore.  I determined to focus on the good qualities I have received from my mother; I am thankful. I am who I am today because of who she was in my life.

I write these words for you… you who struggled to find the perfect Mother’s Day card this year. I encourage you to read the verse again to realize how awesomely you are loved by your heavenly Father:

“Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne? Though she may forget, I will not forget you! See, I have indelibly imprinted (tattooed)  a picture of you on the palm of each of my hands; Your walls are ever before me” (Isaiah v 15,16).

Can you see your picture here…

.

… imprinted… forever.

***A friend sent me this prayer she memorized when her children were small; we will never know who voiced this prayer.  How wonderful if these words were on every mother and every father’s heart.

Father in heaven, make me wise,
So that my gaze may never meet
A question in my children’s eyes.
God, keep me always kind and sweet,
And patient, too, before their need;
Let each vexation know its place,
Let gentleness be all my creed,
Let laughter live upon my face!
A mother’s day is very long, (a father’s day is very long)
There are so many things to do!
But never let me lose my song,                                                                                                              Before the hardest day is through.

(picture is of our second great granddaughter)

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… forgiven… and loved…

Posted on April 9, 2025 by oct17

I was so angry. I screamed… I could have cried.

A dead baby rabbit lay at my feet in Tom’s shop. Soft pieces of fur were scattered around my feet.  Our two kittens, sitting nearby were oblivious to the heartbreak they had caused me. Or of the pain to the sweet, innocent bunny.

How could they have done such a thing?  What were they thinking? I wanted no part of these devious small lions!

I ignored them for a few hours, trying to understand this is what they do… this is “normal”. Can I continue to love them if they keep doing what is “normal”— attacking bunnies and my beautiful birds? That evening by the firepit, JJ climbed in my lap and sat watching the fire, content to be near me, Jinny sat with Tom— both so meek, unaware of their sordid conduct, but fully aware that we evidently still loved them.  JJ snuggled his head under the shelter of my arm.“You are forgiving and good, O Lord, abounding in love to all who call to you” (Psalm 86:5).

I know all analogies break down, but I sense affirmation of my Father’s unfailing love as I consider the kittens’ typical heartless actions in regard to my human, selfish “normal” ways.

The following  is a page from Reflections for Ragamuffins by Brennan Manning, p 125, 1997. Manning is a favorite writer on the love of Jesus!

“In the winter of 1968-69, I lived in a cave in the mountains of the Zaragosa Desert in Spain…

On the night of December 13, during what began as a long and lonely hour of prayer, I heard in faith Jesus Christ say, ‘For love of you, I left my Father’s side. I came to you who ran from me, fled me, who did not want to hear my name. For love of you I was covered with spit, punched, beaten and affixed to the wood of the cross.’

These words are burned on my life. Whether I am in a state of grace or disgrace, elation or depression, that night of fire quietly burns on. I looked at the crucifix for a long time, figuratively saw the blood streaming from every pore of his body, and heard the cry of his wounds: ‘This isn’t a joke. It is not a laughing matter to me that I have loved you.’ The longer I looked, the more I realized that no man has ever loved me and no one ever could love me as he did. I went out of the cave, stood on the precipice and shouted into the darkness, “Jesus, are you crazy? Are you out of your mind to have loved me so much?” I learned that night what a wise old man had told me years earlier: ‘Only the one who has experienced it can know what the love of Jesus Christ is. Once you have experienced it, nothing else in the world will seem more beautiful or desirable.'”

“I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with loving-kindness” (Jeremiah 31:3).

And it doesn’t matter if I have killed a baby rabbit.

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Love is a demonstration…

Posted on March 14, 2025 by oct17

Yeah, yeah!!!!  It’s our anniversary day… March 14!

Gary Chapman writes in The Five Love Languages (1992,1995), “Life is driven by the desire for success. We want our lives to count for something. We have our own idea of what it means to be significant, and we work hard to reach our goals. Feeling loved by a spouse enhances our sense of significance. We reason, ‘if someone loves me, I must have significance'”. (This blog post is also in the written description in the YouTube channel video with this same title. Posted last night at midnight!  You can find it here. I would love for you to like and subscribe to our channel.)

Tom wrote this poem for our 50th anniversary in 2014. I want to share it here; my notes are in italics.

Golden memories…

A strand of fifty years woven together into an unbreakable chain–holding my heart in yours!

November 17, 1962— the beginning of an adventure … this was our first date.

Beyond imagination—a journey of a million miles—so many breath taking moments

Shared in anticipation of “something wonderful around the next corner” … this has always been my expectation.

No disappointments–some setbacks, but always the resilience of your optimism.

A friendship forged in the furnace of commitment and hammered out on the anvil of devotion.

You remain constant–the Pole Star to guide me from the long night of youthful transition to manhood.

My diamond– never lost! More brilliant than ever…  the prongs of my first solitaire came loose and the diamond was lost! I had worn it only four years; I have never had another.

How can I condense fifty years to a page! It would take volumes to contain the love affair I have shared with you this half century.

The joys of “growing old together” where the “best is yet to be”— Tom gave us two hard rock maple rocking chairs for Christmas in 1977… they were setting by the fireplace on Christmas morning with big red bows and a note that said, “Grow old along with me, the best is yet to be”… we live in that anticipation still!! 

A summer of years in Europe that changed us forever.

Children with children of their own– the crown of our coronation.

Walking together, facing the sunset– aglow with the prospects of an inseparable future.

How can I say I love you with words? I stammer and falter because my tongue cannot express the depths of my heart.

I found this symbol—a heart of gold enshrined in a larger silver heart. It represents to me our relationship– my heart captured by yours! I know you will wear it with devotion as it symbolizes to our children and grandchildren that when two hearts beat as one—

anything is possible!… Tom

 

Being loved and known by another brings significance, self worth and security to each one of us; these are basic needs .

The success of our 61 years is a result of … books read and studied, time given to the work of our marriage, conversations, conversations, heart conversations!, conflicts worked through, forgiveness given, lessons learned and unlearned! and, as in all relationships,  tears shed.                  I want 61 more years with Tom Suiter!

Verses that demonstrate how to love your spouse:

Deuteronomy 24:5— one of my favorites!                                                                                    Ecclesiastes 9:9                                                                                                                                          Proverbs 5:18                                                                                                                          Ephesians 5:25, 31,33                                                                                                                              John 3:16

 

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… something new…

Posted on March 4, 2025 by oct17

… expect something wonderful around the next corner…

I remember reading that phrase when I was a preteen, or I thought I had read it. Although I find hundreds of quotes re “around the corner”, I can’t find those particular words. It may have come  from Eleanor H. Porter’s book Pollyanna (1913). The idea is embedded in this classic children’s book as Pollyanna seeks to find joy even in life’s adversities.

Perhaps I understood the principle of “finding wonderful” as I internalized Pollyanna’s game of finding joy in her life after the death of her parents. However I learned of this concept, looking around the next corner for the good and wonderful has been my panacea for life (see here , my journey and those of six others through abuse).

One morning this week, I was reading my young granddaughter’s February newsletter as she reported about the ministry there in the European country where she is serving.  She requests her readers to  “please lift me up as I try something new… ask that I be granted favor in this area of growth. I ask that I be given grace and patience … and local people to help me learn.” I wept for her heart in this.

… something new…

I was thoughtful for a time as I thought of this sweet young girl asking for something new. How noble… how honest and vulnerable to request this desire. In this world of a sameness in the chaos, do we desire to learn the new?

I wonder if I, if we…  older believers ask for something new. If we ask that local people… any people… might help us learn. Perhaps I am getting too old to expect something new, something wonderful around the next corner. Have my months in a boot, on a scooter and walker blinded me from expecting new direction? The wonderful.

 “Because of the Lord’s great love, we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning… ” (Lamentations 3:22,23).

I reflected on the many “new” things in my days, the changes brought on by the accident. It was not easy peeping around the unknown for the wonderful. Even though the situation caused abnormalities, I prayed I would discover a capacity to find new in them. 

And would you believe the very next morning, as I mulled this question, this verse met me head-on to encourage me: “Even to your old age and gray hairs I am He, I am He who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you” (Isaiah 46:4). I get quite overwhelmed and over joyed when the Lord is so exact in encouraging me. How could He know I have been feeling quite hopeless in finding “the new” these days, as I begin slowly walking after these nine months.


… and that same morning… one of my favorite things is the new of early daffodils.

“For behold, the winter is past; the rain is over and gone. The flowers appear on the earth; the time of singing has come, and the voice of the turtledove is heard in our land” (Solomon 2:11-12).

So… I will continue going around the corners, expecting wonderful, different… can we do this even in the pain?  There is one thing which gives radiance to everything.  It is the idea of something around the corner. G.K. Chesterton.

Tom and I have recently advanced on the social media stage; we have a YouTube channel sharing what we have experienced in our 60+ years of marriage. It would be “wonderful” if you check it out and subscribe if it is of interest to you. marriagematters314 (https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCJyJwG18yj2FdT3m6Foy8PQ)

“Forget the former things, do not dwell on the past. See I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland” (Isaiah 43:18,19).

Don’t stop moving—the best time of your life is just around the corner so says Denise Austin (fitness expert, author and motivational speaker).

If we don’t expect something new around the corner, then we must be satisfied with the same old things in life.

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