Thursday morning, August 10… I write…
I wonder at times if I should ever write another blog; I realize many lately begin on a sad note. Surely, perhaps… maybe… hope for this journey to Now can be found. But I do question whether they make a difference or give a witness of my faith.
I blog for selfish reasons, I suppose. I began blogging in 2012 to stay in touch with those we had said good bye to in Europe. I loved too easily and too big. I couldn’t let go, so I wanted to write you often.
Another reason I write is to share the same hope with you that I find on my journey; many of us share the same struggles and joys. I always, and I say always, see the glass as half full, never half empty; I smell every rose, I smile at the birds’ antics; I joy in the butterflies drinking nectar from the zinnias; I squeal at the deer racing through the fields around us. I am a registered “Pollyanna!”
But the aging process, loss in family relationships, pain and troubles take a toll; they come to all… these are common happenings in life. I knew these things happened but I had not realized they would find me so soon, and life could hurt so much. Current blogs share my heart that yes, life happens… to me… perhaps to you.
Friday morning, August 11… I write…
Some mornings are sad… they just are.
A storm in the night caused havoc in the yard and chaotic remnants are displayed all over freshly mowed grass. But it was so beautiful yesterday.
It’s a cloudy, sad morning.
A friend is having intricate surgery this morning for a crushed wrist after tripping over her pet on a concrete patio. The doctors give her a 70/80% recovery of the use of her hand. Her hands support her life.
Another younger brother is dying. (I lost my first brother … picture above) three months ago, May 05) https://ajourneytonow.me/2023/05/19/softened-by-tears/ … My thoughts are muddled as the reality of life and death is showing itself much too near my comfortable belief system. Oh yes, everyone dies. We all know that. We all experience the loss of grandparents, parents and loved ones we hold dear. It’s a natural, beautiful process they tell us. Until…
Until… it is very near.
“It is what it is”… I hear this expression used a lot these days. The words were originally written in an article of the Nebraska State Journal in 1949, describing the difficulty of frontier life in 1949. Later, it was a popular expression concerning losses in sports.
Some shrug, saying these words with a resigned acceptance, almost with a defeatist nature. There is nothing I can do, so I must accept this “thing”, this pain, this storm.
Is life only what it is or is it adjusting, changing, accepting to… and in… those circumstances?
Saturday morning, I write…
Another loss. Another reality. Another sad lesson in life.
My younger brother, David, lost the battle about noon yesterday he had been fighting; he was a Marine to the core, and has fought hard these last two years from the effects of Agent Orange. I’ve heard him say, “It is what it is”. And I would fight for America again!
Some things can be changed: I can pick up all the broken limbs scattered across the lawn; my friend came through surgery yesterday, but now with much pain. She will recover with therapy, and hopefully will regain a good percentage of the use of her hand…
… but what of an unchangeable loss of a loved one or a family member. Acceptance and changing a mindset will not ease the pain.
You may have heard this prayer from Reinhold Niebuhr(1892-1971)…
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
Debris of storms can be cleaned away; therapy can enable one to regain use of a body part. I’m looking at the picture of Kenneth on my desk; now I will add David’s picture here. I cannot change these events and wipe it off the calendar. There is something missing in a blind acceptance of these physical losses, these things I cannot change.
Today, August 14, I write… thoughts of yesterday.
Sunday morning I spent time thinking on peace… “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled, and do not be afraid (John 14:27). Isaiah 26:3 “You will keep me in perfect peace as my mind is steadfast, because I trust in You. (I read this very personally). I was not peaceful. Maybe I have forgotten the real definition of peace?
Radar predicted a storm was about to hit our area. As usual, I went outside to await the storm!
I huddled in the corner of the patio. As far back as I could be as the storm began to release the promised 70-mile an hour winds. Every tree surrounding the house seemed to bend and bow in the chaos. I stood… petrified or awed… not sure which. It appeared every rooted thing could be uprooted any moment.
An uncanny peace wrapped around me as I hunched closer to the brick wall. I can’t quite express the sense of His presence, holding me tightly. It was as if affirmation for every storm we are going through and may go through went through me. Whispers of “I am here. I am holding you.” I can’t explain it; it makes no sense. But in this moment, a warm, sweet surreal peace of contentment and safety washed over me, and I knew…
At this moment I knew again… He knows all the storms that have been and will ever come. Yes, I can change some things and accept the things I cannot. But when sad, heartbreaking life events happen, and the storm comes, I listen. He provides a peace that “transcends understanding” (Philippians 4:7). A peace, an inner calm of body, mind and spirit that rises above the limits of normal. A peace that guards and protects.
Three hours later, we notice the lifting of the hardwood floors around the refrigerator. We thought we had taken care of the leak under the appliance. This may be an awful mess, a financial burden to change the effects of the damage… but this storm can be accepted and changed.
News present stories of uncountable loss. I grieved at the death of little Riley Faith in July, the seven year old who had battled her cancer with such strength. Or the 15 year old young man who died from a kick to the chest in a Karate class this past week. Oh my heart cries for untold loss… storms that can not be changed nor accepted.
Heartache that can only be endured with a Voice and a Presence that says, I am here, and you are held with a peace the world can not understand.
I walked later in the wet grass, smiling. He is here, and … it is different than it is!
a journey to now 
Es ist, was es ist…
«Es ist Unsinn
sagt die Vernunft
Es ist was es ist
sagt die Liebe
Es ist Unglück
sagt die Berechnung
Es ist nichts als Schmerz
sagt die Angst
Es ist aussichtslos
sagt die Einsicht
Es ist was es ist
sagt die Liebe
Es ist lächerlich
sagt der Stolz
Es ist leichtsinnig
sagt die Vorsicht
Es ist unmöglich
sagt die Erfahrung
Es ist was es ist
sagt die Liebe.»
This poem was written 1983 from Erich Fried (* 6. Mai 1921 Wien, † 22. November 1988 Baden-Baden)
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Oh, Ingrid, I want to translate this! How special of you to send… I owe you a note; hopefully, I will send one soon.
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It’s nonsense
says reason
It is what it is
says love
It’s bad luck
says the calculation
It’s nothing but pain,
says fear
It’s hopeless
says insight
It is what it is
says love
It’s ridiculous
says the pride
It is reckless
says caution
It is impossible
says experience
It is what it is
says love
That’s the for sure not professional translation, but can’t do it better…. It is what it is!
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Oh my…what we wouldn’t give to be able to walk in wet grass after a storm down here in Deer Park, Texas!! Our grass is parched!! Watering helps, but not like God’s rain!!
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Oh, I so wish you could walk in the rain there in Texas. I understand that, too. I think it was 2016… we went five months without a drop. I know you will be thankful when it comes!!
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Barb… PLEASE don’t stop writing / blogging. Share yourself. I love your transparency! We are kindred spirits; I just don’t express my thoughts on paper as well as you. You show HIM to me through the ordinary, simple things of nature. Makes me “be still and know that HE is God.”
My prayers in your sorrow for your brothers.
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Again, I smile when your note shows up!
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Barb, I am so sorry for the loss of your brother. Even though we know there will be loss in our lives, it’s never easy when it comes. Your words are so beautifully written! Thank you! You’re so right about finding that peace from the storms. Without God’s perfect peace we couldn’t make it through these storms in life; and I, along with you are so thankful for knowing that He is with us and will never leave us or forsake us. Thank you, Abba Father! With Love and Prayers, Susan Gamble
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And I know you understand this place of perfect peace. Thank you for sweet words.
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Have been praying for your brother David for some time. Nancy tries to keep me updated.
Was heartbroken for you and most for her because she will be out of commission for awhile after her surgery that has been very painful for her.
Hearing her brother passed when awakening surgery, I’m sure, another mental and physical pain that can’t be taken away but with time & prayers.
Your blog was very uplifting‼️👏‼️
Thanks so much🥰🙏🏻
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Thank you much. Yes, it will be difficult for her to miss his service; they were close. I always appreciate your words
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Sorry about the loss of your brother. It is wonderful in times of life to feel His presence and His peace during the storms of life but how wonderful to know when times/circumstances of life and we don’t know the exact words at that moment how to pray, we know the Holy Spirit intercedes for us. His WORD is true and yes, He never leaves us or forsakes us. Praise His holy name
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I love you, Barb.
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Dearest Barb, long silence after reading your message. Quote …‘Until… it is very near.….‘ End of quote‘. True. Am saddened at your loss.
In all of what you are going through, your words are ones of encouragement, strength and comfort. Your second to last paragraph ‘Heartache…..’, is so profound! Thank you for sharing, but know that you are comforting many as well. Vinette
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Barb, please never stop writing your blogs and sharing your life with us. You will never know how much you and your words have meant to me over the years.
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Yes. Dearly beloved Friend. Thank you yet again for knowing and choosing the kind and loving words that I want and need to hear. You are close by in space to the ones whom God calls away from your nearness.
I have suffered many losses since I traveled so far from Florida. And was never able to return to share in family togetherness to say farewell. Sometimes when my dearly beloved Brother was stationed near enough to attend, he would save a copy of the program and all the names of those left behind. And later he would write to me a warm letter of our loss. And enclose the copy of the program for me to read. And sing the songs that were named. And shed my private tears, while longing for all that I had missed being a part of. The last farewell.
I was very grateful for his letters. And equally sad. Now that he is blind, and can no long travel anywhere, will anyone even write to share his last departure? When I have no possibility of hearing his voice again even now?
Thank you for your tender and loving blogspot. I treasure each one, because you care enough to give thanks for the time you shared with the beloved relative or friend that God has chosen to give relief from their pain. And also because you treasure the peace that God grants you through his promise of peace and consolation that you may treasure the thought of meeting again in Heaven.
Please do not ever cease to share God’s love and the peace he gives through his promise of meeting again with our loved ones in Heaven.
Where I hope also that one can meet beloved friends again. As you are so precious to me. I hope He will allow me that joy of Reunion with my beloved ones. Your ancient friend. Sister Nora
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How encouraging your words but more… how precious your heart and love for your family. And for Tom and me. Thank you for your friendship. You are loved❤️
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Thank you Barb for putting your thoughts here for us! We need more PollyAnnas (!) and wonder and the praise of it all. I pray you can continue to hold grief and wonder and praise in your hands all-at-once ❤
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Thank you, dear Robin. It is easier for me than sweet Ruqya. And our kitchen is declared a war zone😂, but what a wonder when all torn out, redone and completed 💃💃
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