… loving me, loving you…

“I hope you get IT and die.” I crumble in disbelief any human, a woman… could hiss these words through her mask to a complete stranger in a nearby grocery store. Why? Because the recipient of the hateful remark was maskless.

Are we really this ugly? Are we this unkind, this opinionated, this judgmental… spiteful… because we don’t love others? Or is it that we don’t love ourselves? I wonder…

Hearing whispers from the Creator Father allows me to remain focused and secure. Words of love, affirmation and encouragement settle around me, and I am able to joy in the NOW, even in the turmoil. But lately, I have heard the ugly more often.  Ugly words, shouted around me; I struggle to hear positive echos stirring my thoughts; I fret in the silence.  This  venom filled  comment  definitely  disturbed my spirit.

How can I love my neighbor as myself if I don’t love me? A friend shared her struggles of insecurity when she was a young wife and mother.  “I put myself and others down in order to show I was an okay person.  But I wasn’t.  I did not know how to love me”.  Jesus gave this answer as the second most important command. First, love the Lord with all your heart and then love your neighbor as yourself. Mark 12:29-30

How can I love you if I don’t love me? And is it even possible to love me?

I repost the following here from Cecil Murphrey’s February 2022 newsletter, author of multiple books (90 Minutes in Heaven is one) and leader of writers’ conferences.  (You will be privileged to good writing in his post.) This expresses so clearly the answer of accepting and loving oneself.

Last month I turned 89, and I’m still learning. For example, I’ve been reading about the Desert Fathers—monks and hermits who fled into the deserts of Egypt beginning in the third century. Feeling contaminated by their culture and seeking a purer relationship with God, those men (and later women as well) wrote of their insights.

One concept from my reading has stayed with me: passing judgment on others is a sign that we haven’t fully encountered ourselves. They point out that if we’re upset by the words or actions of others, we’re damning ourselves. Conversely, if we truly accept who we are, we don’t criticize anyone. “If anyone is bearing his [own] sins, he does not look on those of his neighbors.” Heaven Begins Within You by Anselm Gruen p.53

That has stayed with me because my judgmentalism reflects my own self-condemnation. One writer pointed out that while we’re disparaging another, we unconsciously sense that we too aren’t perfect. The Desert Fathers believed that renouncing judgment and condemnation was the direct path to inner peace.  

Or to state it differently, a wise teacher said, “Why worry about a speck in your friend’s eye when you have a log in your own? . . . First get rid of the log in your own eye; then you will see well enough to deal with the speck in your friend’s eye” (Matthew 7:3,5 NLT).

I wonder how many times I’ve read Jesus’ words and moved on; however, reading the same idea from a nonbiblical source challenged me. Each morning, I now pray, “God, help me fully accept myself as I am, so I can fully accept others as they are.”  

If you know me personally, you know I haven’t reached my goal. Instead of being downhearted, I remind myself that I’m still learning and growing. That adds excitement to my life. 

The more fully I love the person I am, the more able I am to love others. (Cecil Murphrey)

I need to read one sentence again: if we truly accept who we are, we don’t criticize anyone. Paul writes in Romans 15:7, “Accept one another, then, just as Christ has accepted you, in order to bring praise to God.”

I learned to love me by listening to the One who loved me best; Scriptures reinforced His whispers. How beautiful to understand  I was loved. (Whispers on the Journey, available on Amazon, shares the path of this journey.)  I am still learning to listen and  to accept God’s words as personal.

And I am learning to fully LOVE… me and you!





About oct17

The little girl in me loves bird watching, butterflies, sunrises, sunsets, walks in the rain; the adult I am enjoys the same. I sense God's awesomeness in all of life--what wonder there is in slicing a leek or cutting open a pomegranate. I have many favorite things--a formation of Canadian geese flying overhead, the giggles of my grand daughters, the first ripe watermelon in summer, snowflakes on my face--these gifts from my heavenly Father delight me continually.
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4 Responses to … loving me, loving you…

  1. Vinette Huber says:

    Meditating on your words and just how much this resonates in today’s angry world! How often thoughts of the second Commandment come to mind!

    Quote: ‘….How can I love my neighbor as myself if I don’t love me? ….’.
    I question myself!

    Thank you Barb. 💐


  2. Glenda Ferguson says:

    I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Psm 139:14 God is the same yesterday, today and forever in my life. He knows how I’m growing in HIs Word and I try my best to not judge myself or others. HIs plan for each of our lives is all that matters, for He knows what is best for us all. We just have to trust Him one day at a time, loving Him with our heart, soul, mind and strength and our neighbor as ourselves.


  3. Pingback: … loving me, loving you… — a journey to now – World Peace Movement

  4. Mary Balmanian says:

    Good morning dear Barb, This was a very good message. A strong one. How many times a person judges another in one day. Including myself. How hate is dominating the world these days (I exclude myself from this one).

    I love you and Tom. How are you both doing health wise.

    We managed to avoid covid so far, but my little niece (12 years old) got it last week. She is at home fighting it, please pray for her.

    It’s do nice to hear from you through your writings. Love, Mary


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