Early Sunday morning, I was drowning in a sea of misty melancholy meanderings! We had returned home late on Saturday night from four days at the beach with family; I knew major quiet time was needed.
I wonder if you have had those times–when you are reflective or nostalgic–just lost in the fog! –and have no idea why! Was I tired from much activity and little rest? Could it be “buyer’s remorse” (we had just signed a contract the week before. Yes, there were too many questions being asked–could we pay for this? –at our age is this wise? what if one of us dies . . .) I examined and examined —- estrangement between someone, a disappointment, a broken trust. I could not find the reason for the heavy overwhelming oppression I sensed.
Where was my excitement for NOW, now?
I could keep floundering in the fog or drowning in despair, but I thought it best to swim in the Psalms! Sometimes I read 5 Psalms a day –beginning with the day’s date and read every 30 songs. Why should I be amazed when all five often speak to me on the same theme!!
I began with Psalm 22; each Psalm showed God’s care for me, but would you believe the last one, Psalm 142, was neatly addressed to me that early dawn? It was as if the Lord had been waiting for me, gently wiping my tears as I voiced the prayer.
“I cry aloud to the Lord, I lift up my voice to the Lord for mercy. . . when my spirit grows faint within me, it is you who know my way. . . listen to my cry for I am in desperate need. . .”
Do you know ‘when my spirit grows faint within me’ is translated overwhelmed? I sat, awed that this great big God cares about the details and the anxious moments of my life.
The same David who wrote ‘the Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want . . .’ in the 23rd Psalm and ‘my heart leaps for joy . . .’ in Psalm 28 is the one now in a cave, having anxious moments and is in desperate need for his God.
My readings that morning heaped more truth–straight to my fearful, distrusting heart–
“the next hour, the next moment, is as much beyond our grasp and as much in God’s care, as that a hundred years away. Care for the next minute is just as foolish as care for the morrow, or for a day in the next thousand years—in neither can we do anything, in both God is doing everything. . . . the next is nowhere till God has made it.” George MacDonald, edited by C.S. Lewis
Once again, I bow in repentance, longing to trust Him for the next step on this journey . . .